essays in alternative thinking

Thursday, July 20, 2006

learn how to be an asshole

we all have one. none of try to be one. its a dirty word. no body wants to be a dirty word.

but every single one of us can remember, one time in our lives, when we were an asshole.

do you remember what an asshole feels like? it feels like shit.

shit is the creation that we are most ashamed of. it is the part of ourselves that makes us feel ashamed. it's our lowest creation.

we try to hide it, ignore it, flush it away. we try to be better than it. we blame it on other people. were disgusted by it. but we are always, always tempted to look at it.

were fascinated by it, but we lie to ourselves. do you think just because you sneaked a peek at it doesnt mean that it affected you? what matters is that we look. its always gonna be there.

were all shitting ourselves. constantly. we keep telling ourselves that were not bothered, not affected, that it's not a part of us. but we always, always have to look. no matter how much we try, we cant ignore how much shit we've made.

take a look around us, we've been ignoring the shit so much its been piling up. surrounding us. no body wants to take responsibility for it. nobody wants to make it their problem. we smell the shit in the air and pretend we can live, breath, function perfectly around it. we eat and drink the shit, and fool ourselves that it tastes good. we become so addicted to the shit, that we cant stop shitting now that shitting feels so good.

so if you feel like an asshole, its probably because you're remembering that you are one.

we are all assholes. we are all what shit comes out from. the reason we pretend were not is, well, imagine if we were constantly, emotionally aware of all the shit there is in the world? we would be depressed as fuck, and wouldn't have the will to do anything.

we have found an easy way out. get mad at the shit. hey, its easy to have the will to get mad at something. its usually our first choice. and amazingly were all convinced, that screaming, yelling at the shit well actually make the shit walk up and dispose of itself. a few of us get smarter and realize that shit isnt just there, someone put it there. first we get mad at people who arent ashamed of their shit, and weirdly enough, dont have shit as a problem. so obviously we have to give those people more shit since theyre so good with it. after all those people get freaking suffocated with shit, and they dont seem to be able to help us so much more with our shit we start blaming eachother. well, now thats a start. at least now the people who are shitting so goddamn much are owning up to it.

then one person, you, me, any one, beings to realize more and more how close the shit is near him until he gets mad at himself. hey, iv been shitting too. iv been shitting all of my life. but i wasnt always mad at my shit. once, shit was just shit. i used to shit all the time and people who always took care of it for me.

but as i grew up, after i realized that it wasnt so okay to shit, i grew ashamed of my shit. the older i got, the less people there was to take care of my shit for me.

some of us dont grow up. we prefer to blame other people for our shit because we choose to not be responsible for it. we try to find other people to take care of our shit, and end up giving them alot of shit. it's even worse when that person also isn't responsible for their own shit, and we just end up shitting ourselves.

but every once in a while we get the revelation of what were doing, and feel like an asshole.

people react to this in different ways. they get mad, start crying, feel ashamed, keep eating, drinking and ingesting the shit that makes them forget about the shit. and they tell themselves they're okay with it.

we tell ourselves were okay so badly because we should be okay with it. we should be okay with our shit. but we'll only really do that when stop getting mad at it and accept it. once we accept, we wont feel bad about being an asshole. we'll realize, that we are assholes for a reason. once we realize the purpose, we can work it. we'll learn how to become more functional assholes, and do what assholes are meant to do. we'll get the shit out.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

The equation of the observer

There are only two possibilities. Either the observer is existing, therefore carrying out it's function
or the observer is not carrying out its function, not observing, therefore nonexisting.

The question is how can the observer carry out its function if it has once not existed? The only possible answer is that the observer has always existed in spite of having functioned or not.

The balance between reality and superreality.

When the observer is functioning, it is existing, therefore it is in "reality".

The reality is what we call the world around us, a world where its not possible to exist without functioning, and vice-versa.

Reality is ideally where you observe, focus and meditate on the world with out you. The observer is discovering the truth of everything. It chooses to wonder about all of creation.

Superreality is the knowing that there is no need to observe. You already know. It itself is the truth.

The importance of movement in superreality

Movement between reality and superreality defines the person. The ultimate movement is one and the same but the variations of harmonic velocity may influence disharmonies in reality. In superreality there is only harmony, even disharmony. Maximizing harmony in reality will lead to a closer obtainance and evolution towards the home of harmony's existence, superreality.

However, knowing that even disharmony is harmony for there is only harmony, reality harmony forgetting itself. Therefore the main reason that the person, the society, the ego exists is to remember ourself. The more we learn how to find ways to harmonize disharmony the better we'll remember it.

Therefore this is why, ideally, the observer carries out its purpose. The more harmonious it carrious its purpose the more he will "create" harmony out of disharmony. With this creation, the person and the group will better remember superrreality.

Tools in Reality

The most basic and effective tool among persons is breathing. Breathing ideally will simulate the perfect movement which will in turn, help the individual remember the truth with less resistance.

A balanced exchange between inhalation and exhalation will elevate the individual to supperreality. [It will become a constant reminder of superreality, trained to the point that it will begin to become inherent.]

Other physical activities are dedicated to ensure memory of movement, as long as the movement remembers its purpose. Training will guaranteee and imporve memory, so the memory comes close to being supermemory, where all and not only some things are remembered.

Immortality: The relationship between memory, reality and time

Memory is not perfectly ideal in reeality due to the existence of time. Causality, the beginning and end of things. These concepts reign in reality. IT causes memory to be forgotten. As we improve our memories we reach closer to immortality. [To having always existed, superreality]

Certain activities will become learned as superreality, and all activity is learned. The better the activity, the better our memory to exist, the better our world and idea of superreality becomes.

Reality in this case will begin to represent superreality more truthfully.

This is our path to the truth.

Other notes

Self-congratulation mayh produce confidence, but self-congratulation is not the goal itself. Confidence is the goal. Therefore you should not depend excessively on self-congratulation (dependancy in general for that matter) or your priorities may change.

Know as well as observe the purpose of you and your actions, the world and its actions.

Dependancy, tools that used for a purpose and have yet forgotten such purpose, is a challenge.

Writing is self-sacrificial, and ideally altruistic. Ideally it should not be self-congratulating, it must have the purpose itself.

This is how the illusion may be used to achieve the reality, superreality.

Monday, April 24, 2006


Words should never be taken literally.

Literalists will ever be lost in the words themselves. They will see
only reflections of the truth. They will always prefer the excess and
exacerbation of words.

Words are only bridges. They take you to the truth. But you should not
be only satisfied with getting to the bridge, enjoy it and think
"that's good enough, i got this far." You're almost at the end of the
bridge, where true meaning is. Use words, build great fantastic,
beautiful bridges. But remember, the bridge has a purpose. Let the
bridge take you there.

It may be hard for depressed persons to achieve hyper-consciousness.

But a depressed person has that much potential to achieve. The struggle
is harder, though the rewards more plentiful. These are old souls. For
a depressed individual is naturally hyper-conscious, though non aware
of it. The depressed person will forget and remind himself
continuously, dissatisfied with his initial conclusion. Depression will
become sufferable as long as the depressed person does not realize that
the movement is of his own being.

Alcohol may be therapeutic is extreme cases, as hyper-conscious is
extensively nullified in the soporific state. However, it is a very
dangerous tool as continued use will provide the individual with an
escape to ever resolving with his condition.
Marijuana can be used with more than one possible result, therefore
needing extremely perspective observation of the subtleties in its use.
The individual may fall into a trap of hyper-consciosness. Perceiving
its existence negatively. The individual will be inertially pulled

However, Marijuana in the very sense can become a great challenger of
confidence, a tool for acceptance and opening, and give a notion of
harmonious hyper-tension. Once the user is aware of the possibility of
the truth of harmonious hypertension the user well learn to become
stronger. The muscles of memory will be strengthened. The movement will
become well learned and studied and will eventually ingrain itself into
the individual.

Just like doing math. The better we are at it the less we need to count
fingers one by one. The same way athletes become better at their game
through training. The same way musicians will become better at their

Learning how to breathe will optimize this process.

Hyper-Consciousness is awareness of movement. It is awareness of
movement's purpose. This way, the human body will perform better.
Posture will be better, all of the body's movements will be harmonious.

And in through the midst of all of that, the initial point is
forgotten. It appears that all of this was for nothing.

But then you remember again.

Love that it is this way.

Forgive yourself for forgetting.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Memories & Dreams

- Your reality is only perceivable to yourself. The other person's interpretation of a description of a certain reality will never be understood as if it was imagined by the mitter of the original reality. Though, a reality one believes as the truth becomes the truth in the most natural way possible, as it was meant to be. Misunderstanding, generally the truth in the most natural way possible, as it was meant to be. Misunderstandings, generally speaking, are the failures of not transmitting the truth, but only an approximation to it.

"You will never know me. No one will ever know anyone."

- Animal behavior is intriguing by how much information it gives us about ourselves. A great analogy is comparing animals such as dogs to children at the age of four or so, and analyzing the primitiveness that characterizes both. After prolonged contemplation a human apparently loses the primitiveness but is only able to mask over it. Denying something as essential as that is denying a part of you which characterizes an important behavior of mother nature's primitive self, and it's exstensive importance. (Drifted.)

- By Brubs

Friday, December 30, 2005

Understanding God through Math

Differences and Equalities

I like to exhale more than I inhale.
I like to give more than I receive.

People who like to give more than they get want the other.
People like to get more than the give want themselves in the other.

One wants the opposite, the other wants the same.

The goal is to reach the ultimate balance. Only something comepletely balanced can become the other. Only then can the truth of the other be known. To know how it is to become the other. It is only in this case that we can realize, that the other is the same.

Ex.: 7 = 10

False isnt it? 7 is not 10. Although, it may be considered, if we take the point of reference of 10, that it is relatively close. 7 only needs 3 to make. 10 only needs 3 to make 7. The difference is 3.

Ex.: 8 = 9

False. But this False is more true than the previous false. How can this be? Perhaps while even in falseness, there is an approximation to the truth, in the same order that there approximations of truth. We can only strive towards ultimate truth, but it, such as the number Pi, is not obtainable in the "real" world. A total of 2 is taken from the equation. One on each side. From 3 to 2. The difference is one.

Ex.: 8 = 8

True. From the previous equation a total of 1 is taken. 8 needs 0 to make 8. The equation is balanced. In this balance we see that there is only 1 number. It takes 0 to make 1. It takes nothing to make everything.

There is a path. The two 8's realize that the other is the same as him. Therefore the 8 realizes that there's only one of him there, and that he's been looking at himself. Realizing that it took 0 distance for an 8 to become an 8, the 8 concludes that he has always been there.

There are individuals that look for the other, believing that the truth lies in the other.
These people prefer to exhale.
These people prefer to give. Active.

There are individuals that look for the one. Themselves. These are people that expect the truth to come to them.
These people prefer to inhale.
These people prefer to get. Passive.

Both are correct.

Therefore, the paths of these people are contrary. They are looking in opposite, antagonistic directions. There is much friction in their attraction.

Imagine a + and a - . Electricity.

Magnets. Two +'s repel eachother. Two -'s repel eachother. A positive attracts a negative.

Actives are masculine. Passive's are feminine.

Gradation and Fluidity

As always, there are an infinity of external factors that will influence these polarities in order to create approximations of truth. In a persons relationship, the closest to the truth will result in the strongest of that particular bond.

External factors can be expressed mathemetically as multiplications and divisions.

Individuals who reach the closest to perfect balance are fluid. They love inhaling and much as they love exhaling. They reach constant movement. A circle. This is true equality, perfect movement. A perfect circle, one which is a circumference of Pi, do not exist in the "real" world. But we must strive to become more and more fluid, because that is true equilibrium.

Bipolar individuals

Bipolar individuals constantly move from one side to the other, there is a lack of harmony in the movement's fluidity. Bipolar individuals need to realize that they are already there.


When you walk, walk as if you know where you are going. And if you don't know where that place is. Know that it exists.

Saturday, November 19, 2005


lalalalwhat is happening to me, am i alone? yes i am alone although not.......although: a weird word. i am looking at it and i can think of so many ways that SHOULD be the right way to pronounce it, and they all feel right except the one way to say it that actually IS right. i can think of
1) Althhhoog
2) Álthhoag
3) Aw duh

They all SHOULD be right...not that irritating Ahld'oh...D'oh! if anything, that is a word for people with protuberant adam's apples. Very skinny people tend to have large pointy adam's apples. Never quite figured that one out. Why would adam give skinny people bigger apples? and since the "adam's apple" is an analogy to the "forbidden fruit", it symbolizes SIN! So skinny people are sinners? Or at least have a higher potential for sin?

or it could just be that they tried to eat an apple that was too big for their windpipe, thus choking. They then would have a Tracheostomy (little hole on the base of the neck) which would enable them to breathe, but one key element still lacks: How would they eat?? they wouldn't! This explains why there are skinny people in the world. French people too..they're big applers too.

have you ever heard morcheeba? it rocks man...i wish i was hearing it right now. i theoretically COULD be listening to it...theres nothing STOPPING me, i cant bring myself to stop writing this and actually click play. I just realized how completely senseless im being. I think my subconscious should be playing a role in all this. Theoretically what im writing right now is full of symbolism which is basically a communication attempt between my vast unexplored mind and my small explored one.

but i sure as hell cant make out what hes saying. im pretty high. =D

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Beauty of Life

"What makes life worth living is the sweetness of contradiction."

I am in the car. Not my car. He is driving me home. I like him, but i've hated him. He is my friend although i've thought he wasn't. It is night, but not for long. Soon light will fade the
darkness, and live out its day-long life. Then, light will die. The death of light is the birth of darkness. Without darkness, there would not be light. Light ends darkness, light needs darkness. The birth of light, the death of darkness, the birth of night, the end of light. All life dies, all life needs death, death is a part of life, life never dies, life renews, nothing ends.

I am in the car. my friend's car. I am not alone, although i have been alone before. He is driving me home although i have often wanted to leave home. It is night, but i see many lights. They hurt my eyes, but my eyes need them. It is raining, soon it will be dry. my body is wet, my eyes are dry. Outside all is wet, inside we are dry, although my eyes have been wet before.

I must get home soon, i am late for bed. It is early now, but by the time i get there, it'll be late. Time is inescapable, time is relative. I am here now, with my friend. I am early, but i am late. I am there, yesterday, thinking he was not my friend. I am there tomorrow, hating him, i am there tomorrow, loving him.

I am content today, although i know i will soon be incontent again. I have learned something valuable, yet i am aware i know nothing at all. For the first time, i feel i do not need anyone. One day, i will need someone again. Feelings have tormented me, but now i am at peace. They are letting me be, but they shall visit me again.

Looking outside, i see the place i fell in love. It is wet in the rain, although it is dry in my memories. I remember the best kiss of my life. One day, it might not be the best anymore, even though i can't imagine anything better than that kiss, in my memories. I remember her shy smile, it meant so much to me. It doesn't anymore. I hate her now, but i really dont. I loved her then, but i really didnt.

I am there, falling in love. I am somewhere else, desperately seeking love. I am here, knowing i do not need love. I have been hurt, but i do not hurt anymore. I do not need love, but i know love will hurt me again. I am there, crying because of love. I am somewhere else, believing i do not need love. I am here, knowing i shall fall in love again.